she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i think my cat just said my name.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
