My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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