friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
