I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
