Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
