When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
