everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
