Just cropdusted the office
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
