so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
