don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
