So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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