Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
