It's Friday. Sex?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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