Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
