She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
