i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
