Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
