omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
