I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
