I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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