the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
