just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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