I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
