my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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