I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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