i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
