if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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