I just threw up on my dentist
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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