dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
