It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
