k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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