That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
