I wish I could teleport
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
