mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
