I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
