4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
