Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
