I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sobbing to NWA
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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