apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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