I got chris browned last night
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
