Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
