I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
