just come out here and I will go home with you...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
