My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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