Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
