the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
