We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
