I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
