i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
