Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
high people should be assigned attendants
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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