She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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