I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
