I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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